Shitennou Paranormal Encounters
by The REAL Doakes
Summary: A collection of short stories featuring the Shitennou and their encounters with the unexplained.
1. Sasquatch

"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Not this time, Jadeite," said Beryl. "Read the title of the story, and the description!"

Jadeite scrolled up. "Huh, would you look at that?"

"Yep," said Beryl. "I hear your new sources of energy enough in the main story, 'I Found a New Source of Energy, Queen Beryl!' I don't want to hear them any more."

Queen Beryl left and did not return.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. With nothing to do in this story, he headed to the library.

He went to the fiction section, and scanned the titles.

He found one that caught his eye. "Real Life Encounters with Bigfoot," he read out loud. "This could be interesting!"

Jadeite took out his juice box and a bag of pretzels and cracked open his book.

He read through the whole book word for word.

Two hours later he closed the book, with an astonished expression.

"Wow," he said, speechless. "I can't believe people actually met the Sasquatch. Simply amazing! I must tell the others!"

Right on queue, Nephrite entered the library from one side, and Kunzite and Zoisite from the other.

"GUYS!" howled Jed.

"INDOOR VOICE!" cried Kunzite. "PeOPLE ARE TRYING TO READ!"

"Be quiet!" yelled the librarian at Kunzite.

Nephrite picked up an astronomy book. "Mmmmm," he said.

Jadeite batted it out of his hand.

"Hey!" yelled Nephrite.

The librarian shushed him.

"Nephy," whispered Jadeite. "Did you know the Sasquatch is real?"

Nephrite let out a hardy laugh.

The librarian shushed him.

"The Sasquatch isn't real," he said, chuckling quietly. "Humans would have discovered it already."

"They did!" exclaimed Jed. "Just read this book!"

Nephrite read the book.

Two hours later he closed it. "All nonsense."

"No!" exclaimed Jadeite. "You're just a skeptic!"

"No," said Nephrite. "There's apparently stories from multiple people, but there's only one author. What's going on here?"

"That's just the guy who compiled the stories!" promised Jadeite.

"I don't know," said Neph. "They all have the same tone and sentence structure."

Jadeite shook his head. "If you're so sure, then let's go to Washington state in the US. That's the place with the most Big Foot sightings."

"Hmm…" said Nephrite. "That's a long ride from Japan."

"Gosh darn," said Jadeite. "If only we could teleport to Washington like we teleport to Japan."

"Wait a minute," said Neph. "I think you're onto something."

"Ah, yes!" said Jed. "But we need to convince Zoisite and Kunzite to come along as well. I bet they're as in denial as you are!"

"They wouldn't waste their time with something this stupid," said Neph. "And neither should I."

"No no," said Jed. "I think I have just the way."

* * *

"Alright, we're here!" said Jed.

Zoisite put on his party hat. "How much further until Mamoru Chiba's funeral?"

"I have a confession," said Jadeite.

Kunzite took out the twin blades of fury. "It's a shame Jadeite has to die today."

"At least we get to go to someone's funeral," said Zoisite.

"Cease fire!" commanded Jadeite. "There's no time to exchange blows, (even though I'd win anyway.) We have to set up our tent and our Sasquatch traps!"

"Is that why we're here?" asked Zoisite. "Everyone knows Sasquatch is just an urban legend!"

Suddenly they heard some rustling in the leaves.

Out from the bush came Sasquatch.

"THERE HE IS!" called Nephrite, pulling out his 25x25 pixel camera. "There's no way someone will think this picture is fake!"

Jadeite went in for a high five. "Sasquatch me boy, I knew you were real!"

Sasquatch grabbed Jed by the neck with his big meaty claws, and with a single flick of the rest, threw Jed far into the distance.

The Shitennou turned around and waited for the impact.

Two minutes later, they saw an explosion in the distance.

They turned back to Sasquatch.

"Rip," said Nephrite.

"Riperoo," said Zoisite.

Nephrite charged Sasquatch, and threw a quick suckerpunch.

Sasquatch ducked under it like a boat goes under a bridge.

He threw a powerful punch to Nephrite's stomach, and backhanded him.

Nephrite went flying into a tree, knocking it over and causing the rest of the forest to collapse like dominos.

Zoisite took a couple steps back. "We mean you no harm!"

Kunzite charged with the overhead mallet punch.

Sasquatch sidestepped and Kunzite pummeled the ground. He sharply turned around and threw another punch.

Sasquatch blocked it with his palm.

There was a moment of silence, and then Sasquatch threw a karate chop at Kunzite's exposed arm, completely chopping it off.

He then threw three consecutive punches at Kunzite; one in the throat, one in the right leg, and one in the stomach. He finished the combo with an elbow smash, sending Kunzite crashing into the floor.

"No!" cried Zoisite.

Sasquatch put his foot on top of Kunzite's unconcscious head.

Sasquatch motioned for Zoisite to try his luck.

Zoisite saw what happened to the others, and he knew he couldn't beat Sasquatch in a battle of brute strength.

He readied the crystal behind Sasquatch, but before he could throw it, Nephrite leapt out of the bushes like a leaping panther, making the first contact on Sasquatch since he arrived.

Sasquatch took a step back off of Kunzite from the blow, but other than that he showed no signs of injury.

"You wanna go bigboy?" asked Nephrite.

Sasquatch nodded.

Nephrite sent a barrage of blows his way.

Zoisite knew this was his best chance, and charged too.

Zoisite sent a flurry of kicks and blows also, but Sasquatch was just too nimble.

They didn't land single hit between them.

Sasquatch extended his arms and grabbed each of them by the head.

He smashed their heads together exactly 63 times, and they were unconscious.

But he went to go for a 64th headsmack, when Kunzite sprung up like a spring and threw a punch at Sasquatch's exposed stomach.

Sasquatch doubled over in pain, and dropped the other two.

Kunzite was out of breath, but knew he had to keep fighting.

He threw his one remaining fist like a projectile, but Sasquatch absorbed it, and threw a backhand at the air, sending a wave that swept Kunzite off his feet.

Kunzite was dead before he hit the ground.

* * *

Kunzite's eyes fluttered open. So did Nephrite and Zoisite's.

It appeared they were in some kind of cave.

"Are we back in the Negaverse?" asked Nephy.

They spotted Sasquatch's children. Both of them were Melvin.

"Hey runts," said Zoisite. "You wanna rumble?"

Lady Sasquatch charged the Shittenou.

Zoisite and Kunzite leapt out of the way, but Nephrite wasn't going down without a fight this time.

"I call forth the power of the st-" Nephrite began.

Lady Sasquatch shoved him against the wall and breathed down his neck.

Kunzite and Zoisite took to the exit of the cave, but regular Sasquatch leapt in front of them.

"What do you want with us?!" cried Zoisite.

Sasquatch looked at Zoisite, and Zoisite fell over.

Kunzite summoned the boomerangs, and threw them at Sasquatch.

But they only caused a couple clumps of fur to fall down. Before Kunzite could even catch the boomerangs, Sasquatch threw a knee, and Kunzite was on the floor.

Meanwhile, Nephrite was getting pummeled against the wall. Lady Sasquatch finished up with him, and tossed him ono the floor like someone would throw litter out a car window.

Melvin did Beyblade tricks on their brutally bashed corpses.

* * *

Sasquatch threw them into the river, and they woke up three days later.

"Huh?" said Kunzite. "I could have sworn we were dead that time."

They all looked around.

They followed the Sasquatch family footprints back up to the cave for a rematch, but the cave was no longer there.

"Was it… was it all a dream?" Zoisite asked.

"Oh yeah!" recalled Nephrite. "I have my camera!"

They quickly rushed over to a CVS and had the pictures printed.

There was only one.

It was of Melvin and his Beyblade collection laid out on their corpses.

"Proof!" cried Nephrite. "We must take this to the presses!"

They headed to the news station at once.

"It's what Jadeite would have wanted," said Zoisite.

But when they got to the news office, the person sitting behind the desk lowered their paper.

It was none other than the Sasquatch.

They knew their time had come, so they threw themselves into the wall, killing themselves.

FIN


	2. The Bell Witch

The Shitennou and Beryl arrived at John Bell's cottage.

"Where the hell are we?" asked Queen Beryl.

"We're renting the house for summer break!" explained Jadeite. "For some reason the rent was super cheap!"

"Huh," said Beryl. "That's strange."

"Let's not think much of it," said Kunzite.

The second they walked in, they all noticed something strange about the atmosphere.

"Is the air pressure a little low?" asked Nephrite.

"No," said Jadeite, his hair standing on end.

They went to turn on the living room light, but the kitchen light turned on.

"That's odd," they said.

Beryl went to turn on the TV, but the blender turned on.

"Why is it all connected to the kitchen?" wondered Zoisite.

Kunzite turned on the kitchen light, and the kitchen light turned on.

"See, nothing strange here," said Kunzite.

A chair flew at Queen Beryl, knocking her down a size.

"What was that?" she wondered. "Which one of you levitated that chair at me?"

"I can't levitate things, my power level is too low," said Jadeite sadly.

"I can only levitate crystals and Mamoru Chiba," said Zoisite.

"Amateurs," said Nephrite.

"So it was you?" said Beryl.

"What? No!" said Nephrite.

Suddenly something socked him on the back of the neck.

He turned around and saw Zoisite behind him. He socked Zoisite in the face.

"What was that for?!" demanded Zoisite, laying on the floor crying.

Kunzite ran up and socked Nephrite.

Nephrite retaliated with a swift uppercut.

"Hahahahaha," laughed a disembodied voice.

"WHO IS THAT?!" demanded Beryl.

"I am the Bell Witch!" said the Bell Witch. "I'm a ghost!"

"Oooh, you're scarin' me!" said Kunzite.

An invisible force socked Kunzite. "Cut it out!" he yelled at Nephrite, punching him in the face.

"It wasn't me this time!" cried Nephrite.

Nephrite was spun around like a top and hauled out the window by an invisible force.

"I told you it wasn't me, you jerk!" shouted Nephrite from outside.

"I didn't do that!" said Kunzite.

Suddenly he was being strangled by an invisble force.

"Alright, I'm out," said Beryl leaving.

She went to open the door but it didn't open. "Uh oh," said Beryl.

Suddenly the mail slot flew open and a punch flew through. Beryl doubled over.

"YOUCH!" she yelled. "Was that you Nephrite?!"

Nephrite was unconscious outside.

"Uh oh," repeated Beryl. Beryl was lifted off the ground while the Shitennou watched sadly.

She was thrown up threw the roof by an invisible force. She hit a plane and bounced back to the ground, going 12 feet beneath the surface and into the core of the Earth.

"Rip," said Zoisite.

Kunzite was still gasping for air.

"I'm the only one that hasn't been scathed," mused Jadeite. "I hope it stays that way."

The Bell Witch put him in an eternal sleep. He fell to the ground.

Kunzite's face was now red.

"Get your hands off him!" cried Zoisite.

He swatted at the invisble hands, but nothing happened.

A table went flying at him, but he ducked under it.

"Easy," he said.

The table smashed Kunzite, knocking him unconscious.

All the cabinets flew open by an invisible force, and knives, forks and plates threw themselves at Zoisite.

But Zoisite was a nimble one, and speed was his strong suit. He caught all the plates in a perfect stack.

"Easy," he repeated.

The Bell Witch got frustrated and slugged Zoisite.

"OWWWW!" cried Zoisite. He dropped all the plates.

The shards of broken China circled him and then closed in. He was torn to shreds like in the manga.

"Riperoo," he said as he died.

* * *

Two days later, Nephrite woke up. Beside him were the dead Shitennou lined up in rank order.

"Curse you, Bell Witch!" he shouted.

He swung open the door to John Bell's house with his foot.

He dashed inside. "I don't care what form you take, as long as I can get my hands on you!"

There was a moment of silence, and then Nephrite was punched simultanesouly in the stomach and face.

He doubled over in pain. "YOUUUCH!"

He started throwing punches wildly at the air.

Suddenly he felt that he was surrounded by an invisible force, but had no way to prove it.

In a last ditch effort, he spontaneously combusted. "Goodbye Tien!" he called.

But the Bell Witch dodged.

However, John Bell's house was burnt to the ground.

"No!" cried the Bell Witch. "Now I must relocate to a new home!"

She wondered aimlessly for twelve years, before reaching the North Pole. She walked inside a creepy entrance to some creepy place.

"Yesssss, this will do nicely!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Melvin did Beyblade tricks on Nephrite's ashes.

"That'll teach him to mess with Mawly!"

FIN


	3. Nessie

"Why are we in Scotland?" asked Nephrite.

Jadeite shook his head. "You have a lot to learn, Nephrite. Scotland is a wonderful tourist destination."

"Why?" asked Zoisite.

"Kilts!" exclaimed Jadeite.

"Hmmm," said Kunzite. "I should try one on."

Jadeite pulled out his bagpipes and started to play.

Everyone covered their ears.

"Jadeite, you don't know how to play that instrument!" said Nephrite.

"D'ah," said Jadeite sadly. "Let's go for a swim then."

"This is a big lake," commented Zoisite. "Who knows what lies within?"

"Nothing," said Jadeite with a laugh. "There is no monster in the Loch."

"What makes you say that?" asked Nephrite. "I mean you were the one who got us all killed by Sasquatch, and indirectly by the Bell Witch. Why would you believe in Big Foot but not the Nessie?"

"You wouldn't understand," said Jadeite. "It's complicated."

"I don't care," said Kunzite, stripping to his trunks and hopping in.

Zoisite decided to keep his shirt on and climbed in as well.

Nephrite got completely naked and did a nude cannonball.

"Wowee!" said Zoisite. "Nice form!"

Jadeite put on his rubber duckie floaties just to be safe and doggy paddled over to them.

"The water's nice this time of year," commented Jadeite. "Hey, which one of you just rubbed against my foot?"

"Huh?" asked the other Shitennou.

"Uh oh, I think something grabbed my leg," said Jadeite. Those were his last words.

He was dragged under the water and never surfaced.

"Yikes!" said Zoisite. "Do you think there are sharks in the water?!"

"No way," said Nephrite. "Sharks are salt water mammals."

"I don't think they're mammals," said Kunzite.

"I think we should leave the water," said Zoisite.

They swam towards the shore.

But suddenly, it became dark like the darkest night.

They looked up frightenedly to see what was blocking the sun.

It was none other than the leaping form of the Loch Ness Monster.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried the Shitennou.

They swam for the other direction, but Nessie extended her neck and caught the Shitennou closest to it.

"Goodbye," said Zoisite. "Don't forget me! Ah!"

"Zoisite!" yelled Kunzite. "You're gonna pay for that, you unevolved sea rodent!"

Kunzite leapt out of the water and landed on Nessie's head.

He threw punches between its eyes, but Nessie violently threw her head back, throwing Kunzite into the air.

Nessie opened her jaw, and snapped it shut when Kunzite fell in.

While Nessie chewed Kunzite to pieces, Nephrite made it out of water.

"Haha!" he yelled, quickly putting his clothes back on. "You can't get me out here!"

But Nessie was more evolved than they suspected.

She climbed out of the water and backhanded Nephrite with her flipper.

He flew into a bagpipe factory, and was no more.

Inside Nessie's stomach, Kunzite was chewed to pieces.

Zoisite stared sadly at his remains.

"Good thing she just swallowed us whole, hey Jed?"

"We gotta get out of here," said Jed, visibly shooken.

But before they could make a plan, the stomach acids closed in and dissolved them like acid.

* * *

Nephrite crawled to his feet. "Why am I always the last survivor?" he thought. "Why can't I just die quickly and painlessly like the rest? Well, except for Kunzite who was chewed to pieces, and Jadeite and Zoisite who were dissolved. Wait, how would I know that?"

Suddenly he turned around, and the only thing he saw was Nessie's flipper closing in on him.

He got backhanded yet again, and then was eaten whole.

When he reached Nessie's stomach, he spotted Melvin doing Beyblade tricks on some unrecognizable scraps.

"It's a shame," he said dissolving.

FIN


	4. Sasquatch Rematch

The Shittenou remembered the last time they encountered Sasquatch and they remembered it did not end so well. They then decided they couldn't let their honor get tainted like that and they decided to pay the Squatch another visit.

They went to the forest they originally found Sasquatch and set up camp.

They spread out to all four corners of the forest and made posts to find Sasquatch.

"No signs of Big Foot here," said Zoisite into his walkie-talkie.

"Same," said Nephrite.

"No Big Foot over here either," said Kunzite.

"This is dumb," Zoisite blurted out. "Us encountering Sasquatch last time was just a coincidence. Just a fluke. Some people search for Sasquatch their whole lives and never meet him, we're lucky enough to find him once."

"I agree with Zoisite" said Kunzite.

"Oh surprise, surprise" barked Nephrite.

"Jadeite agrees too!" yelled Zoisite. "Right, Jed?"

There was no response from Jed's walkie-talkie.

"Jed?"

Suddenly they heard his walkie-talkie turn on.

"JED!?"

"Don't worry boys," said Jadeite. "I was just brushing my teeth."

Everyone sighed in relief.

"Hey, who are you?" he suddenly demanded. "NO GET OFF ME AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"

Jadeite's walkie-talkie went to static.

The other three Shittenou rushed to Jadeite's post. All that remained was Jadeite's uniform and Melvin doing Beyblade tricks on it.

"SASQUATCH!" howled Nephrite.

He ran into Sasquatch's cave and kicked down the door.

Sasquatch turned around and revealed he was holding Jadeite's corpse in his big meaty hands.

"You're gonna pay for this!" barked Nephrite.

He ran up and threw a punch but Sasquatch saw it coming a mile away and dodged.

Nephrite threw several blows but they all missed too.

Sasquatch finally dropped Jadeite's corpse and slugged Nephrite so hard he was no more.

Zoisite and Kunzite finally caught up and gasped.

"RIP." said Zoisite.

Kunzite and Zoisite charged like a bunch of wildmen and Sasquatch slapped Zoisite away but Kunzite tackled him to the floor.

Zoisite died before he even hit the floor.

Kunzite and Sasquatch tumbled on the floor for 20 minutes, but Kunzite ran out of breath and when we went to exhale Sasquatch saw the opening and finished off Kunzite with one punch.

* * *

Queen Beryl entered her throne room and saw a note sitting on her throne.

"Going out to fight Sasquatch - XOXO the Shittenou"

"No!" shrieked Beryl.

Beryl entered Sasquatch's cave and kicked down the door.

Sasquatch turned around holding Kunzite and Zoisite's corpses.

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!" howled Beryl and she spawned a giant crystal and hurled it at the beast, all while shrieking.

Sasquatch caught the crystal and shattered it in his big meaty hands.

One of the shards stabbed Beryl and she fell over.

Beryl was down but not out so she stood up and fired an eternal sleep attack.

Sasquatch blocked it with his arms and then backhanded Beryl to heck and she was never seen again.


	5. The Grays

"Jed, catch!" called Nephrite, throwing his pal a Frisbee.

Jadeite caught the disc.

"Good job," said Nephrite.

Jed tossed it over to Kunzite, who wasn't looking and got nailed in the face.

Kunzite decided it was time for Jadeite to be put to rest.

However, he never got the chance.

Before he could deliver a fatal blow, a giant U.F.O. (Unidentified Flying Object) landed in the field in front of them.

"Aliens?" asked Nephrite. "In the middle of the afternoon?"

Suddenly the spaceship opened up, and a bunch of gray men walked out.

They had big beady eyes and almond-shaped heads.

"We come in peace," explained Jadeite.

One of the gray man ran up to socked Jadeite.

"Hey!" yelled Nephrite. He tackled the one that socked Jed. "He tried to welcome you kindly!"

Zoisite and Kunzite attacked the others.

Kunzite shot out a wave of dark energy, and a couple were sent flying. However one of the aliens retaliated with his own dark wave of energy.

Kunzite was swept off his feet. "Is that all you got, Egghead?" demanded Kunzite, standing back up.

"I don't get it," said Zoisite. "They land on our planet and just start brawling it out with the first lifeforms they see? I thought beings that could travel through space would be more sophisticated than that."

Suddenly Zoisite was being lifted off the ground. He started to panic, and threw a crystal, but it bounced off the little gray men like they had some kind of invisible forcefield.

Zoisite was lifted even higher through alien telepathy, and then was tossed like a ragdoll into the sharp edge of the UFO.

Meanwhile Nephrite was keeping up with his grayman but was losing endurance fast.

"Time to put you to sleep," said Nephrite. He summoned the power of the stars, but the aliens knew it well.

The almond-headed being absorbed the star power and then shot Nephrite with a good ol' fashioned laser gun.

"Jadeite, tag in!" cried Neph.

Jadeite was already diving on daisies.

"Nyu hu hu," said one of the grays.

"You can talk?!" cried a brutally bashed Zoisite.

"Nyu hu hu," repeated the gray. They kicked Zoisite on the ground.

"I can also talk English," said the gray.

Nephrite was trying to stand up, but six small but hefty graymen were on his back, weighing him down.

Kunzite was the only one that still stood a chance, but he was still fighting a losing battle.

One of the grays took note of this and nodded.

Kunzite fired his final flash, but one of the grays kicked it away like it was nothing.

"Impossible!" said Kunzite. "I used the same attack on Sasquatch, and split him in half! If it wasn't for his regeneration he would have died!"

"Nyu hu," said the alien. The alien threw a punch and Kunzite tried to block, but the alien curved the blow and socked him.

Suddenly, the grays realized that it was high noon exactly. They hopped in their spaceship and took off at the speed of light.

"That was odd," said Zoisite, weakly climbing to his feet. "It's a shame Jadeite died."

"Yes," said Nephrite. "He will be missed."

"I think we should flee while we have the upper-hand," figured Kunzite.

"Yes," said Zoisite.

But they never got the chance.

Before the aliens left the Solar System, they made a sharp K-turn at the Oort Cloud and shot the Shitennou from 12 light years away.

FIN


	6. The Yeti

"How much longer till we hit the Dairy Queen?" asked Jadeite.

"Why do we want a Dairy Queen in the Arctic?" asked Zoisite.

"You have a lot to learn, Zoisite," said Beryl. "This is the only Dairy Queen for miles and miles. And we have to get our quality local ice cream somewhere!"

"How much longer till we hit the Dairy Queen?" asked Jadeite.

"There it is!" said Beryl. "Right up ahead, in the distance!"

Far into the horizon, they could make out the shape of a Dairy Queen.

"We're in the home stretch!" said Kunzite.

Suddenly, their snow mobile broke down.

"Dammit!" said Beryl. "Jadeite, didn't you stop and get gas like I told you to before the trip?"

"Gas?" asked Jadeite. "Oh, I thought you said, …"

"You thought I said what?" asked Beryl.

Jadeite through for a moment. "Yeah, I got nothing. Sorry, I forgot to do it."

Beryl punched Jed on the back of the head.

"Yowie yahoo," said Jadeite.

"Hmm," said Nephrite. "It's only a few miles away, let's walk to it."

They took a couple steps, but suddenly the winds became unbearable.

They found themselves in the middle of a blizzard in no time.

"I can't see anything in front of me!" cried Zoisite. "Do we even know we're walking in the right direction?"

"Yes," said Nephrite. "The Dairy Queen is right up there," he said pointing.

"No!" said Kunzite. "It's that way, I'm certain."

"Down boys down!" yelled Beryl. "We can't make it there now anyway, the blizzard is too violent. Let's camp out in that cave over there."

They all fled to the cave.

Suddenly, Beryl did a head count.

"One, two, three… uh oh!"

They looked outside and saw Jadeite laying there dead.

Melvin was doing Beyblade tricks on his frozen corpse.

"Hmm," said Nephrite. "He went down without a word. I was wearing a jacket around my waste, I could have offered it to him."

"Oh well," said Zoisite. "He will be missed."

Beryl took off her coat and tried to use it as a pillow and fall asleep.

"Wake me up when the storm ends," she told them.

The others were starting to get chilly, so they burnt Nephrite's extra jacket and started a fire.

"Ahh, nice and toasty," said Kunzite, making a s'more. "It's a real shame about Jadeite though."

"I wonder if we can use him for extra firewood," Zoisite suggested.

Nephrite gave him a "too soon" look, and Zoisite dropped the possibility.

Suddenly someone blew out the fire.

"Hey!" said Nephrite. "Not cool!"

"I didn't do that," said Zoisite.

"Me neither," said Kunzite.

"Beryl?" asked Nephrite.

She stirred in her sleep but turned over and went back to bed.

"Then… who?"

Kunzite shrugged and relit the fire with his magic.

Sitting next to them on the log, pretzel-legged, was the Yeti.

The Shitennou screamed.

"Keep it down!" shouted Beryl.

The Yeti picked Beryl up and bent her in half like a paper clip. He threw her in the fire, and it glowed brightly.

"Oooo pretty," said Zoisite.

The Yeti grabbed Zoisite by the neck.

"Ok, it was funny when it was Beryl, but it's not funny now!" cried Zoisite. "Get your big meaty claws off me!"

Kunzite charged the Yeti but it was too late.

The Yeti dropped Zoisite and he was dead before he hit the ground.

Kunzite socked the Yeti in a rage-fueled blow. Smoke started coming out of the Yeti's ears, and he backhanded Kunzite.

But Kunzite was so mad he stood back up.

He locked arms with the Yeti, and they both started growling.

"Now's my chance," said Nephrite, charging an attack.

As the Yeti and Kunzite struggled for the upper-hand, Nephrite shot a star directly at the Yeti.

But the Yeti was no fool, and had been keeping a close eye on Nephrite since the beginning of the squabble.

He quickly lunged to the side, and Kunzite was hit.

"Youch," said Kunzite. "Luckily Nephrite's a weakling."

The Yeti backhanded him yet again, and this time he went down for good.

The Yeti blew a chilly wind out of his chapped, frigid blue lips, and Nephrite's upper half was frozen solid.

He fell to the ground like a board and was dead at once.

Kunzite stood back up, for one last ditch effort.

He threw his best backhand, and the Yeti threw his.

The backhands each collided with their targets, and they both stood staring each other down silently.

Then after a moment, Kunzite fell to his knees and collapsed.

The Yeti wiped his paws off and watched as Melvin did Beyblade tricks on Kunzite's brutally bashed corpse.

FIN


	7. Sasquatch & Nessie vs Shitennou & Allies

The Shitennou realized that it was time to end the Sasquatch. He had terrorized them for too long.

However, they needed a plan, as they were no match at all for the beast.

That is why, one fateful morning, they marched straight into John Bell's house.

"I don't care what form you take!" shouted Nephrite. "As long as I can get my hands on you!"

There was a moment of silence.

Then, he was punched simultaneously in the stomach and the face by an invisible force, and he doubled over in pain, gasping for breath.

"Hey now," said Jadeite. "We're not here to fight!"

But the Bell Witch would not listen to reason.

Jadeite was lifted by an invisible force, and tossed into the wall.

He tried to stand up, but he was tossed into another wall.

Zoisite bolted for the door but it slammed shut.

"Uh oh," he said.

"I'll protect you!" promised Kunzite.

But within seconds, Kunzite was tossed across the room like a ragdoll.

"Please don't kill us," begged Zoisite.

Suddenly Zoisite received 28 punches to the stomach.

They all made it out within a single inch of life.

"That was a bad plan," said Kunzite. "Who came up with that one?"

Jadeite looked down sadly.

Kunzite grunted at him. "We'll never defeat the Sasquatch at this rate."

Kunzite teleported away. Zoisite followed suit.

* * *

Kunzite and Zoisite walked into the Squatch's den.

"Greetings, Sasquatch," said Zoisite. "We are here to join your side. It is clear that you are the most powerful paranormal creature, and thus, we would like to ally with you."

The Sasquatch looked at them with a puzzled face.

He slowly approached Zoisite, and breathed down his neck.

Zoisite was starting to get spooked, but had to stand his ground.

"We cannot defeat you, great Squatch," said Kunzite. "So we will gladly do your bidding."

The Sasquatch picked Kunzite up by the head.

"Please don't!" said Zoisite.

Kunzite's head was no more. Sasquatch held it in his big meaty claw.

"AHHHHHH!" shrieked Zoisite. He bolted for the cave exit, but rocks fell in the way.

Zoisite knew it was over and took his own life.

* * *

Jadeite and Nephrite arrived in the forest where Sasquatch resided.

The pressure suddenly dropped drastically, and they knew something was fishy.

"I don't care what form you take!" shouted Nephrite. "As long as I can get my hands on you!"

There was a moment of silence.

Then, he was punched simultaneously in the stomach and the face by an invisible force, and he doubled over in pain, gasping for breath.

The Bell Witch turned to Jadeite, but Jadeite could not see this because the Bell Witch was an invisible force.

He got in his fighting stance. "I'm not afraid to come to blows!" lied Jed.

That's when the Sasquatch appeared, and let out a ferocious roar.

Jadeite and Nephrite turned to the Bell Witch, and the Bell Witch nodded.

They knew they must team up, since it was too late now for friendly squabbles.

Jadeite ran up and threw a punch at the Squatch, landing a direct hit.

"I got him!" he said.

But the Sasquatch turned his head back and showed no signs of injury.

The Sasquatch picked Jadeite up by the head, and threw him like a football.

Nephrite tried to catch but could not, and Jadeite hit a tree.

The Bell Witch fired an invisible wave, launching the Sasquatch.

But he landed on his feet, and stopped himself by grabbing onto a tree with each hand.

What a wide arm span!

Suddenly, all the trees on the east side were ended.

"He's strong!" commented Nephrite.

"That's not the Sasquatch," said Jadeite, shaking like a leaf.

Out from the forest lake emerged none other than the Nessie, who slid onto land like a sea turtle.

"This isn't good," said Jadeite.

"Maybe she's on our side," hoped Nephrite.

Jadeite shook his head. "Everyone knows the Nessie and the Sasquatch are natural allies."

"AHHHH!" shouted Nephrite, deciding it was all or nothing. He launched his Starlight Attack right at the Nessie, but the Sasquatch leapt up and chopped through it.

Inside Nessie's mouth began to glow, and she shot a powerful fireball, launching Jadeite into another tree.

Nephrite ran up and tried to grab onto one of her flippers, but Nessie's long neck shot right towards Nephrite.

The Nessie opened its mouth, ready to devour him.

Nephrite was a sitting duck.

That's when the Chupacabra threw a headbutt right into Nessie's neck.

"It's our ally the Chupacabra!" cheered Jadeite. "We're saved!"

The Nessie shrieked, and swung its flippers, launching Nephrite.

The Chupacabra started clawing at the Nessie, but her scales were too hard.

The Chupacabra narrowly dodged a flipper sent his way, and landed several feet back.

He turned to see the Sasquatch throwing itself at him, and he leapt out of the way.

When Sasquatch got to its feet, he charged the Chupacabra, and they locked arms.

Nephrite and Jadeite were recovering.

"Things don't look good for our side," said Jadeite sadly. "The Nessie is a behemoth, and the Sasquatch is no pushover! Our ally, the Chupacabra, will not last much longer against it!"

"We need a miracle," said Nephrite.

But none came.

That was, until the Yeti swooped in, riding on a UFO.

"The Yeti?!" asked Jadeite in shock. "Who's he allied with?"

"My concern is the Grays," said Nephrite.

"No," said Jadeite. "They're natural enemies with the Sasquatch. The Yeti is our greatest worry."

The Yeti leapt off the UFO, shaking the ground when it landed.

It ran up and drop-kicked the Chupacabra, and the Yeti and the Squatch high-fived.

"Drat, my greatest fear!" said Jadeite. "It appears the Yeti values its allyship with its cousin the Sasquatch over its neutrality with the Chupacabra."

"Wait, there's neutrality?" asked Nephrite.

"Yes," said Jadeite. "For example, the Grays and the Nessie are neutral, because the Grays don't want to mess with that behemoth, and the Nessie sees the aliens as no threat since they look like mere insects to it."

"So that means," realized Nephrite, but he never got to finish his sentence.

The Nessie shot another fireball, and Nephrite leapt into the trees.

He met up with Jed, and then they both launched themselves at the Yeti.

In a shocking turn of events, Nephrite managed to land a punch with the help of Jadeite.

The Yeti got tossed, and they ran after it.

"Although the Yeti has stronger attacks," explained Jadeite. "It's no match for the Sasquatch in battle."

"Ah," said Nephrite. "That explains why we landed a hit!"

They caught up to the Yeti, but it had recovered from the minor setback.

It grabbed two giant snowballs out of thin air, and tossed the boulders at the remaining Shitennou.

Meanwhile, the Sasquatch and the Chupacabra were back at it.

But suddenly, the scrap was interrupted by several Grays shooting their lasers at the Squatch.

The Grays didn't really care for the Chupacabra, but an enemy of Sasquatch was a friend of theirs.

The Sasquatch picked up a couple Grays with each of his big meaty claws and crushed them in his palms.

But ten jumped on his back, and he was getting weighed down.

The Chupacabra ran up and threw a headbutt into his stomach, and the beast was toppled.

But on its way down it backhanded the Chupacabra.

After burying the Shitennou in snow, the Yeti saw the Nessie did not have an opponent.

She was in fact distracted by Sasquatch, who was getting teamed by the Chupacabra and the Grays.

The Yeti leapt up and grabbed the Nessie's neck, attempting to snap it by throwing himself back.

But the Nessie fought back with all it had, and launched its head forward, tossing the Yeti off it.

The Sasquatch saw this attack, and grunted at his cousin for fighting his ally.

The Yeti grunted back, explaining that it didn't know.

But the Squatch knew it did, and would need to have a word with him after this was over.

Jadeite and Nephrite climbed out of the snow and looked at their surroundings.

The Sasquatch was still warring with the grays, the Nessie was attacking the Yeti despite the Squatch's grunts, and they also saw the Chupacabra throwing kicks at the Nessie but not seeming to damage it.

They noticed some alien stragglers waiting near the UFO.

"Let's take those guys," said Neph. "They seem manageable enough."

"That's a bad idea," replied Jed. "They're fighting the Sasquatch, our main foe. We need their help."

"Those aren't," said Nephrite. "They're just standing there. We need to get rid of the aliens as well. We've been enemies with the Grays nearly as long as the Sasquatch."

Jadeite ran up and drop-kicked one of the Grays, and Nephrite followed suit.

They both fired their best attack at a third Gray, but it shot out a telekinetic wave and blocked it.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

They were soon encased in a pile of Grays.

"This is the end," said Neph. "You were right Jadeite, it was a bad idea."

That's when their backs felt light, and they stood up.

None of the Grays that were on them were there anymore.

Several other Grays retreated, hiding behind the UFO.

"Who…?" asked Jed.

Then he saw the Sasquatch, who cracked his knuckles.

"Thanks Sasquatch!" said Jadeite. "Does this mean we're teamed now?"

The Sasquatch threw two punches, each toppling a Shitennou.

But then, the Bell Witch sent a barrage of invisible blows at the Sasquatch.

But the blows had no effect.

The Nessie shot a fireball, tossing the Bell Witch to the ground.

The Shitennou no longer had a use for the Bell Witch, so they disposed of her.

The Chupacabra ran up for another round, and threw a headbutt at the Sasquatch's spine.

But out of nowhere, the Yeti leapt in and grabbed the Chupacabra by its horns and ended it.

The Grays were shocked at losing a valuable ally.

They turned on the Yeti, who they had been kind enough to drive into battle.

All the Grays shot their laser blasts, tossing the Yeti to the ground.

The Yeti stood up, and was angry.

It shot its ice breath at the Grays, freezing every one of them solid.

They Grays were no more.

However, the Nessie was still angry about the Yeti's sneak attack.

It picked the Yeti up with its mouth, and then leapt backwards into its lake.

The Nessie held the Yeti underwater until it was no more.

The Sasquatch was shocked, but knew it stood no match for the Nessie so it decided to not break its alliance.

Jadeite and Nephrite ran up and threw a punch at the Nessie.

But the Nessie hit them both in the back of the head with its flipper.

Jadeite and Nephrite were seeing stars.

They looked up into the sky helplessly.

Suddenly, they saw something fall down from the heavens.

It was the ghost of Zoisite, and he was playing a harp.

"I will tell you how to win this fight," he began.

That's when the Nessie ate Zoisite's ghost.

"No!" cried Jed.

He ran up and threw a body slam at the Sasquatch, and the Sasquatch threw a critical chop, ending him for good.

Nephrite took off into the woods.

But a lone surviving Gray shot its laser blast, ending him.

The Nessie and the Sasquatch shook hands.

But in a shocking turn of events, the Chupacabra had not actually died. It was in fact only playing dead.

It sprung to life, and threw a headbutt at the Sasquatch.

It was a critical hit, and perhaps the first blow today that actually did damage to the Sasquatch.

The Sasquatch stood up and got ready to end the Chupa.

But the Nessie threw a blow, ending it.

The Sasquatch tossed the Nessie a nod, and then went on his way.


	8. The Moth Man

Nephrite drove down the street with Jadeite in shotgun, and Kunzite and Zoisite in the back seat.

"Don't get the wrong idea, Nephrite. We're only driving with you because we don't have a car!" said Zoisite.

"Yeah, yeah," said Nephrite. "I know the deal."

Suddenly the car stopped.

"Huh? What gives?" asked Nephrite. "I'll get out and see what's wrong."

Nephrite popped the hood, and walked around and looked at the engine.

The others waited.

It was a taking a while, so the rest of them got out too.

"What's the hold up?" demanded Zoisite.

"I don't know," said Nephrite. "Everything looks fine. Kunzite, why don't you use your magic to make the car go again?"

"Okay," said Kunzite.

He shot dark energy into the engine, and it was no more.

"HEY!" yelled Nephrite. "That didn't fix it!"

"You should have counted on me," said Jadeite. "I can control vehicles with my mind."

Nephrite was angry. "A new engine for this beast will cost 100,000 yen!"

"Is that a lot?" asked Jadeite.

Nephrite nodded.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite.

Suddenly, they heard a high-pitched shriek, and the flapping of wings.

They turned around to see the Moth Man.

He looked like a regular man, but with the face of a moth, and four giant moth wings.

"What is this beast?!" cried Kunzite. "I've never seen a creature so hideous!"

Jadeite leapt at the monster, and threw a punch.

But the Moth Man dove down like a hawk, and Jadeite missed.

Nephrite called forth the power of the stars, and shot a Starlight Attack directly at the Moth Man.

But the Moth Man tanked the attack, and grabbed Zoisite in its talons.

It took off into the sky.

"NOOO!" yelled Kunzite.

"HEEELPPP MEEE!" cried Zoisite.

Kunzite shot lightning out of his palms at the beast, but it missed.

He took off into the skies after the Moth Man.

"I won't let you get away!" Kunzite shouted.

Suddenly, a wave of moths flew in and swarmed Kunzite.

"No!" said Kunzite.

He shot energy out all around him, and all the moths were no more.

But the Moth Man was gone.

Kunzite landed on the ground.

"How'd it go?" said Nephrite.

Kunzite was angry. "We have to go to the Moth Man's lair!"

"Where is that?" asked Jadeite.

* * *

The three remaining Shitennou regrouped at the Moth Man's lair.

It was a castle perched on top of a very large hill, and they started climbing the steps.

"This is the nest," said Kunzite.

He opened the door.

In the middle of the nest laid Zoisite's corpse.

Melvin squatted over it and was doing Beyblade tricks on the corpse.

"NO!" yelled Kunzite. "You're gonna pay for that!"

Suddenly, the Moth Man flew in through the window, and started flapping its wings.

"You demon!" shouted Kunzite.

He leapt up and threw an overhead mallet punch at the Moth Man, and spiked him to the ground.

It got back on its feet, and Nephrite charged with his sword.

But the Moth Man took to the sky, and Nephrite leapt up, following suit.

Nephrite swung his sword, clipping one of the Moth Man's wings.

The Moth Man shrieked and threw a kick, tossing Nephrite into a wall.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms, and the Moth Man fell to the ground.

Kunzite threw himself at the injured humanoid creature, and sent a flurry of punches and kicks his way.

But the Moth Man caught Kunzite's foot, and threw his own, kicking Kunzite in the stomach.

The Moth Man leapt back up into the sky, and clung onto a chandelier like a bat.

Kunzite spawned a large dark energy boomerang.

"You're no match for the Negapower!" he yelled.

He threw the boomerang at the base of the chandelier, and it dropped to the ground.

But the Moth Man leapt off before it hit the ground, and hovered in the air.

He stared straight at Kunzite with his hundred eyes, and licked his lips.

That's when Jadeite threw himself at the creature.

But halfway through the charge, Jed surged with electrical power, and burnt the Moth Man to a crisp like a moth to a flame.

The Moth Man fell to the ground, and Kunzite ended him.

"You will be missed, Zoisite," he said sadly. "But at least I have Beryl."

FIN


	9. The Sea Monster

The Shitennou sat on their fishing boat in the ocean off the coast of Japan.

"Say, Jed, where did you get this fishing boat?" asked Nephrite.

"I created it out of garbage," he said.

"Eww," said Zoisite.

"I did that once to create the illusion of an entire cruise ship!" Jadeite explained.

"I miss Thetis," said Nephrite. "She was a good pal. One of the few Youmas that had personality."

"Too bad Jadeite let her die," said Zoisite.

"Hey," said Jadeite. "I tried to stop her. I said I didn't need her help, but she did not listen!"

"Guys," said Kunzite. He had a full fishing outfit on, with a fisherman's cap, a vest, and a fishing rod in hand. "Are you sure it's safe to be in water?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" asked Zoisite.

"Well, last time we were in a lake, we got killed by the Nessie," recalled Kunzite.

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "This is the Pacific Ocean, not the Loch Ness Lake in Scotland."

"Good point," said Kunzite. "I guess it's safe then."

"Hey," challenged Nephrite. "I bet I'll catch more fish than you!"

"You're on!" said Kunzite.

They both cast their lines in the water.

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "Keep it down, I'm trying to sunbathe!"

"How is us talking affecting that?" asked Nephrite.

"SHHHH!" shouted Jadeite.

He put back up his mirror. "Mmm, radiation."

Suddenly, Nephrite felt something big on his line.

"Oh boy, oh boy!" he said. "I'm reeling in a big one!"

Just then, he was pulled into the water at full force.

"Do I win?" asked Kunzite.

"Uh, Nephrite?!" called Jadeite.

That's when Nephrite's uniform floated to the surface.

"This is an odd time to go skinny dipping," said Zoisite.

That's when Nephrite's corpse floated to the surface.

Riding it like a raft was Melvin, who was doing Beyblade tricks on it.

"Uhhh," said Zoisite.

Suddenly, the Nessie rose from the water.

Everyone gasped.

"What are you doing in the Pacific Ocean?!" demanded Zoisite.

"STAY BACK!" yelled Kunzite. "I will take the beast!"

He fired his best attack, which matched the Moon Wand in power.

But the Nessie just shrugged it off, using its scaly skin.

Kunzite took a step back.

"Let's skedaddle!" he cried.

Thanks to his sunbathing, Jadeite was able to take his tan captain's form.

He took the wheel of the ship and turned it with all his might.

The boat started slowly turning around.

That's when Nessie took a big chomp out of the boat.

"We're going under!" cried Jadeite.

"Quick, get the giant masking tape!" yelled Kunzite.

"Already on it!" yelled Zoisite.

He started patching the hole while Jadeite finally got the boat in the right direction, and took off.

"Did we ditch the beast?" asked Zoisite.

Kunzite looked over the edge of the ship, and saw the Nessie following at equal speed.

"It's on our tail!" he yelled. "Can't this thing go any faster?!"

"No!" yelled Jadeite, shoveling coal.

That's when Nessie was to the right of them, and took another chomp out of the boat.

"Hey, it's evened out now!" said Kunzite. "Keep going, Jadeite!"

But that's when the Nessie swung down with its giant flipper, chopping the boat in half.

Jadeite saluted and went down with the captain's side of the ship.

"Quick!" yelled Kunzite. "Pull up the sail! We still have a good square here!"

"I can't," said Zoisite. "I'm at my limit."

"Sad times," said Kunzite.

He put up the sail, but there was no wind today.

The Nessie sliced the boat in half again, and then into fourths, and then to perfect eighths.

All the pieces sunk.

All that was left was a barrel that Zoisite and Kunzite were clinging to.

"Get off!" yelled Zoisite, pushing Kunzite. "There's not enough room for you!"

"No!" shouted Kunzite, clinging on for dear life.

Zoisite had his foot in Kunzite's face, trying to kick him off.

"You're weighing us down!" yelled Zoisite.

"Fine then," said Kunzite.

He took to the skies, remembering he could float.

"There we go," he said. "Time to teleport on out of here!"

But that's when Nessie bucked its head, and spiked Kunzite into the water.

"NO!" yelled Zoisite. "This is the end!"

That's when he spotted someone on Nessie's back.

It was none other than Jadeite.

He was throwing punches at the back of Nessie's neck.

"There has to be a pressure point somewhere here!" he shouted.

But the scales were too hard, and he couldn't land a scratch.

Jadeite thought fast and spawned a sword, swinging it down hard.

He finally landed a scratch on Nessie, and Nessie let out a shriek.

"You did it!" called Zoisite.

But it would take a lot more than that to defeat the Nessie.

Kunzite flew out of the water, much like Jadeite did after pushing Tuxedo in the ocean.

Kunzite summoned a harpoon made out of dark energy, and fired it straight for Nessie's skull.

It was a hit, and Nessie showed signs of damage.

But that work horse just wouldn't go down, and it got Kunzite in its mouth.

Kunzite was never seen again.

"It's time to go," said Jadeite. He spawned a portal and let himself get sucked in.

But the Nessie extended its neck into the portal, and got Jadeite by the scruff of his shirt.

It pulled him back out into the real world, and flung him into the air.

Then, it snapped its jaw down and ended him.

Zoisite was still floating on the barrel.

"Don't eat me!" he suggested.

The Nessie swung down its flipper, sending Zoisite deep into the ocean.

Zoisite tried to swim to the surface, but the Nessie had pushed him down too far.

The water pressure was weighing him down, but he was still gunning for it.

However, he ran out of breath inches from the top and died.

The Nessie dipped its neck back into the water and swam home to the Loch Ness.

FIN


	10. Bloody Mary

Queen Beryl walked down the Negahall, passing by Jadeite and Nephrite, who were locked in a heated conversation.

"I'm serious!" said Jadeite. "If you lock yourself in a room with a mirror and chant 'Bloody Mary' three times, a ghost will appear!"

"That's all hocus pocus," scoffed Nephrite. "Did you ever see it with your own eyes?"

"No way," said Jadeite. "I would never do something so foolish."

Beryl continued down the hall, and closed the door to her quarters.

"Hmm," thought Beryl. "This could be a challenge to prove my worth as a queen!"

Queen Beryl was nervous. Then she scoffed. "Ha, it's probably not even real! That fool Jadeite doesn't know what he's talking about!"

Beryl was settling in for bed, and went in the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She looked in the mirror.

"Hmm," she thought again. "No way I'm doing that. It's just too stupid."

She laid down in bed but couldn't sleep.

"I'm doing it," she decided.

She went in the bathroom and locked the door. The she switched off the lights.

"Bloody Mary," said Queen Beryl.

She paused for a very long time.

"Bloody Mary," she repeated.

She paused again.

"It's not real," she thought. "I should just go back to sleep."

But then suddenly her mouth moved on its own.

"Bloody Mary," she said again.

"No!" she thought. "Why'd I do that?!"

She waited a long time.

"See, I knew it wasn't true!"

Suddenly Bloody Mary emerged from the mirror, and grabbed Beryl by the throat.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Beryl.

She flicked on the lights.

"It was only an illusion," she thought, looking in the mirror and seeing only her own reflection.

But an invisible force was still holding her neck.

She quickly flicked back off the lights, and there was Bloody Mary, still with her hands around her throat.

Beryl spawned a crystal in her left hand, and stabbed Bloody Mary's hand that was around her neck.

It lost its grip, and Beryl dashed out of the bathroom and locked the door.

"That was a close one!" she thought.

She called up Kunzite on the phone. "Get over here, pronto!" she shouted.

"Uh… okay," said Kunzite. "I have to get dressed. But what's the issue?"

Suddenly he heard shrieking, and the sound of someone getting tossed across the room.

The phone line disconnected.

"That's odd," he said.

He opened up his wardrobe. "Which uniform?" he wondered.

* * *

Meanwhile, Beryl was exchanging blows with a demon.

The beast shot a claw Beryl's way, but Beryl sidestepped.

She whipped out her crystal ball, and fired a bright pink light.

Bloody Mary shrieked and was tossed across the room.

But then Queen Mary the 1st of England got to her feet. She appeared in front of Beryl in an instant.

Queen Beryl threw a backhand, but it went through the spirit, and the spirit tossed her ball to the ground.

"No!" cried Beryl. "You're gonna pay for that!"

Beryl threw herself, taking Bloody Mary to the floor with her.

Suddenly Kunzite entered the room, and fired a beam.

The beam ended Queen Mary.

"What was that?" asked Kunzite.

"I… I don't know," admitted Beryl. "But it's gone now. Good work Kunzite."

"It's what I do!" said Kunzite.

FIN


	11. The Thunderbird

"Wait, where are we going?" asked Zoisite. "And why do we have our Silver Millennium battle gear?"

"It is time," said Kunzite solemnly. "We must take down the Thunderbird."

"Hang on," said Jadeite. "I'm not familiar with that one."

He pulled out his book on mythological creatures.

"Ah," he said. "This one is a myth for sure. There is no bird with a 40 ft. wingspan that can shoot lightning out of its eyes. Further, it says it causes thunder, but we all know friction in the clouds causes that!"

"Wait," said Nephrite. "Jadeite, you believe in the Sasquatch and the Yeti, but not the Thunderbird?"

"Well," said Jadeite. "We met the Sasquatch and the Yeti. But the Thunderbird is not real."

Suddenly they heard a clap of thunder.

"Fear not," said Kunzite. "This is expected at the Thunderbird's nest."

That's when a huge bird with a 40 foot wingspan arose from the top of Thunderbird peak.

It started flapping its huge wings, making a strong wind current and filling the sky with lightning and thunder.

"Hold you ground!" commanded Kunzite.

"I'm trying!" said Jadeite. "I'm not as strong as you!"

That's when all their primitive spears and Nephrite's scythe were tossed out of their arms and flew off into the horizon.

Zoisite was lifted off his feet and tossed into the distance.

Jadeite was the next to go.

"Hang tight, Nephrite!" encouraged Kunzite. "We can still beat the beast!"

Nephrite was holding onto a rock.

"Noooo!" he yelled. "This was a stupid idea!"

That's when the rock was rooted from the ground and tossed.

But Nephrite leapt off at the last second.

"It's over, Thunderbird!" shouted Kunzite.

He leapt into the air and shot a dark energy beam.

The Thunderbird closed its wings defensively, and absorbed the attack.

The Thunderbird was now infuriated. He shot lightning out of his eyes straight for Kunzite, and Kunzite put up a protective bubble.

But it was still a direct hit, and Kunzite was greatly injured.

The Thunderbird started flapping its wings like mad, and let out a loud shriek that shattered their eardrums.

Nephrite regained composure and leapt into the air at godspeed.

He spawned a sword in his hand and threw it, but it did no more than clip some of the Thunderbird's huge feathers.

The Thunderbird did one huge wing-flap, spiking Nephrite into the ground like a volleyball.

Kunzite and Nephrite climbed to their feet, but it was a struggle.

That's when the Thunderbird did the unthinkable. It landed on a rock right in front of them and started screeching.

"Wait!" called Jadeite running back into the fray. "It's time to fight lightning with lightning!"

"No!" yelled Nephrite, but it was too late.

Jadeite shot lightning out of his palms.

The Thunderbird absorbed it and let out a shriek.

That's when it returned the attack at tenfold, tossing Jadeite back into the distance.

Kunzite threw himself at the Thunderbird, making it lose its balance.

"Now!" he yelled.

Nephrite also threw himself at the beast, and the beast was toppled.

Each held down a 20 ft. wing.

"Oh no!" yelled Nephrite. "We have no one to throw punches at its exposed torso!"

"This was poorly planned!" admitted Kunzite. "We're lucky we lasted this long but soon the beast will get its footing again!"

That's when a miracle happened, and Jadeite came flying through the storm riding a plane.

He piloted the plane straight into the Thunderbird's exposed torso.

Kunzite and Nephrite leapt out of the way, and the Thunderbird was hit directly.

The plane exploded, and Jadeite unfortunately didn't jump off in time and died in the attack.

"Wow," said Kunzite. "This must be the best day of our lives if we could defeat the Thunderbird."

That's when the Thunderbird arose from the smoke.

"NO!" was Kunzite's last word.

The Thunderbird let out a powerful shriek erasing Kunzite from existence.

Nephrite tried to bolt for it, but he was zapped to oblivion.

As for Zoisite, he was killed by the winds early in the fight.

FIN


	12. Sasquatch Raids the Negaverse

"The humans are weak," continued Jadeite. "I will take their energy easy peasy!"

"I hope you're right," said Beryl. "We need to revive our great ruler, one Joule of energy at a time!"

Suddenly the door swung open, and Sasquatch galloped in on all fours.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Beryl, leaping out of her seat.

Jadeite put his arms up to defend Beryl.

"What is this?!" he demanded. "The Sasquatch doesn't live in the North Pole!"

The Sasquatch howled in response, and then tore through Jadeite like tissue paper.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Beryl. She quickly snatched her crystal ball and fired out all the energy she had.

But Sasquatch put his arms up and absorbed the blow.

He grabbed Beryl by the neck and unscrewed her head.

* * *

Many days passed.

"Hey," said Nephrite, entering. "What's up, Beryl? It's been a few days since you've called my house and demanded for me to report to you, what gives?"

But in Beryl's throne was not Beryl.

As a matter of fact, it was the Sasquatch.

Nephrite froze in his place.

The Sasquatch did not move, but instead breathed loudly out of his huge nostrils.

Nephrite slowly turned around, and opened the door.

He bolted out into the North Pole.

The Sasquatch leapt out of his throne and took off after Nephrite.

Nephrite dived into the Arctic Ocean, and swam downwards as fast as he could.

But the Squatch threw his heavy body down into the water, and the ocean was no more. It was completely drained of water, as all the water had splashed into space.

Nephrite fell on his bottom.

"Please, no!" he said.

That's when he stood up. "No!" he decided. "I will not go out without a fight!"

Nephrite called forth the power of the stars, and charged at lightning speed.

He put all his divine power into his leg, and threw a swift kick into Sasquatch's neck.

The beast let out a howl, looking like it actually took damage.

But then it started beating its chest.

It grabbed Nephrite's foot, and threw him into the ground.

The Sasquatch then did a pile-drive with his elbow, ending Nephrite.

* * *

"Kunzite," said Zoisite. "Something is off. There is no more Arctic Ocean."

"How do you know?" asked Kunzite.

"I see it on the news. Wait, look, they found a body!"

Kunzite walked over to the TV. "That's Nephrite's corpse!"

"What on Earth?" wondered Zoisite in shock. "Melvin seems to be doing Beyblade tricks on the corpse."

"This must be the Sasquatch's work," stated Kunzite. "We need to avoid Queen Beryl's throne room at all costs."

Suddenly their door swung open.

"Are you a Youma?" asked Zoisite hopefully.

The Sasquatch shook his head.

He charged with the force of 1,000 suns.

"RUN!" yelled Kunzite to Zoisite. "I will hold him off!"

"Goodbye forever!" said Zoisite leaping out the window.

The Sasquatch threw a punch, but Kunzite tanked it.

Kunzite suffered a lot of damage anyway.

"This is the end of you, beast!" shouted Kunzite.

He shot his energy attack that rivaled the Moon Wand.

The Sasquatch swung his arm, and the beam flew out the window and into Zoisite who was swimming away through the Negaverse air.

He was no more.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite. He became blood-lusted.

"You're no match for the Nega-power!" he howled at the behemoth.

He created a giant boomerang, and threw it at the monster with all he had.

The Sasquatch tilted his head and it zipped past him.

Kunzite charged and threw a punch right into the Squatch's chest.

The Sasquatch stumbled back.

"Yes!" said Kunzite. He threw a quick chop across Sasquatch's face.

"Have I wounded him?" Kunzite wondered, leaping back.

Suddenly the Sasquatch was on top of him, and grabbed both his arms with its big meaty claws.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Kunzite, shooting out energy all around him.

But the Sasquatch absorbed this, and threw a headbutt with its thick rock-hard skull.

Kunzite was ended.

The Sasquatch lined up their corpses in rank order, with Beryl as the last in line.

Sasquatch nodded in satisfaction and went on his way.

FIN


	13. The US Army

"You know what?" said Jadeite suddenly one day. "I've been thinking."

"About what?" asked Nephrite when no one else said anything.

"About the power scaling," stated Jadeite.

"That doesn't exist anymore after they brought in the new animation team," said Zoisite.

"No," said Jadeite. "Power scaling can't just go away. So we need to determine exactly where we scale."

"I'll tell ya where we scale," said Nephrite. "I'm above Zoisite and Jadeite, and slightly above Kunzite."

"Uh, no," said Kunzite. "I went toe-to-toe with the Moon Wand."

"Well," said Nephrite. "That's not a feat."

"That's exactly what it is!" insisted Kunzite.

"Shut up, bleach boy!" yelled Nephrite.

"This is my natural color," said Kunzite sadly. "It's a strange birth defect, it's almost like I'm an albino if I wasn't tan."

"Guys, let's get back on topic," barked Jadeite. "We need a strong opponent that we can best if we give it our A-game, so we can prove how powerful we are!"

"What opponent did you have in mind?" asked Zoisite.

"Well…" said Jed.

* * *

"Greetings, people of the United States!" began Jadeite's giant holographic image that was cast over the entire US. "I will destroy this entire country unless you stop me! Here's a demonstration!"

Jadeite shot holographic flames over the entire country.

"AHHH!" screamed everyone. "Stop it, you monster!"

Jadeite snapped his fingers. "That was only an illusion," he explained. "Meet me at the airport with your strongest forces, or it will become reality."

"Wait!" yelled someone. "Which airport?"

"Uh, you'll know when the time comes! So long!"

Jadeite's image vanished.

Nephrite turned to him. "Good work," he said.

"Thanks," said Jadeite. "It's what I do. Now we wait."

* * *

The Shitennou waited at the airport.

"What if they realize you were bluffing?" asked Zoisite.

"Impossible," said Jadeite. "And it wasn't a bluff, I swear! I hope they show up soon…"

Just then, the entirety of the US military showed up with the entirety of the US weapons arsenal.

"That's a lot of tanks," said Zoisite nervously. "Are you sure we can take 'em?"

"Positive," said Jadeite.

"Yeah," said Kunzite. "These guys are fodder."

"Easy does it," said Nephrite.

Jadeite walked up to the head general of the US army.

"Are you ready to duel? We are the Great Four of-"

The US army open-fired on Jed.

Jadeite put up a shield and blocked every single bullet.

"Is that all you got?!" he yelled charging.

He socked a troop in the face, tossing him across the airport.

But 20 took his place, and Jadeite leapt high into the air and started shooting lightning, taking out troops by the dozen.

Nephrite summoned his sword, and started dashing at lightning speeds, chopping off the ends of everybody's rifles at a faster speed than any human's eyes could pick up.

Kunzite's eyes lit up, and he started surging with power. He extended his hand and absorbed the electricity from all the tanks, making them stop in their place.

Zoisite stood in the back and waited for an opening, occasionally taking a troop out with a crystal or some petals.

"Zoi!" he yelled, sweeping three soldiers off their feet.

But the tanks just kept coming.

Nephrite pounded the ground, sending out shockwaves that flipped many tanks.

Jadeite was knocking troops over like bowling pins with powerful energy attacks, when suddenly, a tank fired directly at him.

Right as the missile reached him, he held out his hand, causing the missile to drop to the ground mid-flight, blowing up several troops.

"Something's strange," said Kunzite as he got completely surrounded by troops. "Don't they have a nuclear weapons arsenal or something?"

Kunzite surrounded himself with energy like his teleport, and then released the energy, ending all the troops in his radius.

But Kunzite was getting angry. The many bullets hitting him was like sand pelting him on a windy day.

"Cut it out!" he yelled. He charged up energy, and fired a beam rivaling the Moon Wand.

It took out 1/5th of the ground forces.

But that's when the air force flew in and started dropping bombs and shooting many powerful bullets.

Nephrite fired a Starlight Attack, causing a plane to crash down onto the ground forces.

"Don't worry guys, I've got this!" said Jadeite.

He used his special ability to take control of a plane with his mind, and smash it into many other planes before that one went down. Then he went on to the next one.

Kunzite was taking out planes and tanks like they were toys. He shot out his huge dark energy bubble, and closed it in, wiping out many units.

Nephrite raised his hand and suddenly all the troops got dazed and confused, like their world was upside-down and spinning.

That's when Jadeite put his arms in a J-like shape, and yelled, "Sleep!"

¼ of the remaining army dropped like flies into slumber.

The army was very thinned and losing ground fast.

"Stick together, boys!" said Kunzite. "If we get separated, they might overwhelm us."

"Not to worry," said Nephrite. "These guys are easy pickings."

Suddenly, a projectile that looked like a nuke came flying fast at Nephrite.

He leapt into the air and caught it, and then threw it back at them, wiping out the rest of the army that was there.

But that's when 1,000 armies took their place.

"They're persistent!" noted Zoisite, shooting a mass fire attack and then sitting down for a breather.

That's when the US dumped their entire nuclear arsenal down from the skies, and the intercontinental ballistic missiles started falling like rain.

"On guard!" yelled Kunzite. He sniped many nukes out of the sky with one hand, but they kept coming.

Zoisite fired a beam like the one he shot Motoki with, and the bombs were so plentiful that he took out ten.

Nephrite shot many generic energy blasts, and even used a scatter shot to take out more nukes.

But the entire sky was full of them, blocking out the moon.

"Retreat temporarily," suggested Kunzite, and they all teleported away.

"Good," said Kunzite. "Let's let them defeat themselves."

* * *

Ten minute later they returned to the site they were at, and nothing remained.

"Wow," said Jadeite. "I guess we win. They sacrificed a lot of their forces with those nukes."

That's when they spotted about half a dozen soldiers still charging.

"They must have arrived late," said Zoisite.

The troops threw a grenade at the four of them, but Kunzite propelled it back with his spinning aura that he use on the Sailor Scouts.

Only two soldiers remained, and one ran up and threw a punch, toppling Zoisite.

But Nephrite threw a chop to the back of his neck, ending him.

The last one tried to retreat, but they didn't let it happen and ended him.

"Oh no!" said Zoisite. "It's the militias!"

20 citizens with guns and pitchforks, as well as other household weapons, ran into the fray.

Zoisite fired a beam, taking out only two, and the rest continued on.

Jadeite shot lightning, taking out ten.

But one ran up with a dagger, nailing Nephrite who was off-guard.

Nephrite killed him, and then finished off the militia.

"Phew," said Jadeite. "We came out on top. It is now proven that we are stronger than the US army."

"Pshh," scoffed Kunzite. "Of course we were. We are the strongest warriors."

That's when the Sasquatch appeared, and threw three punches, ending all four of them.

FIN


	14. The Tunnel Bear

"Heh heh heh," chuckled Jadeite.

"What are you doing?" asked Nephrite.

"Heh heh heh," repeated Jadeite.

Nephrite looked over. "Are you hacking the US government, Jadeite?"

"Yes," said Jadeite.

"Don't do that," said Nephrite. "They will track it and know that there are people living under the North Pole."

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "I'm going to download a VPN."

"They're called proxies," said Nephrite.

"No," said Jadeite, sighing and shaking his head. "You have so much to learn. Anyway, it will make it look like I am somewhere else."

"Technology has gotten us far," said Nephrite.

Jadeite nodded. "Let me just download a free one."

Jadeite typed "free VPN" into Google.

"Hmmm, so many choices," he said out loud. He picked TunnelBear because it had a great looking mascot.

"Here we GOOOO!" said Jadeite, connecting to Sweden. "Aww yea!"

"Good work," said Nephrite.

On the screen, the Tunnel Bear dug a hole from the North Pole and leapt in, burrowing its way through the Earth's crust and coming out in Sweden.

"That's fast," noted Nephrite. "Faster than our teleports!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "The Tunnel Bear is a magnificent beast. Alright, time to hack the US gov!"

* * *

Zoisite strolled into the Nega computer lounge and sat down at one of the PCs.

He turned it on.

"Hey!" he said suddenly. "Why is some program called Tunnel Bear launching at start-up?"

Zoisite went in Control Panel and uninstalled the program.

He restarted the computer just to be sure.

But he was shocked to see that Tunnel Bear was launching again.

"What the…?"

Zoisite was shook. "This must be some kind of joke!" he told himself.

* * *

Zoisite called a Shitennou meeting and everyone gathered at the Nega computer lounge.

"It appears that one of our computers has some sort of virus," said Zoisite. "It's Tunnel Bear!"

"That's not a virus," said Jadeite. "I installed that."

"No," said Zoisite. "I uninstalled it, but it's still there, as if I never removed it!"

"Did you try restarting?" asked Nephrite.

"Yes!" cried Zoisite.

"Hmm, maybe you have to remove it from within the program," considered Kunzite. "Step aside."

Kunzite sat down and launched Tunnel Bear.

"Ah, here we go. Uninstall."

He clicked the button.

"Are you sure you want to uninstall?" asked the Bear.

"Yes," said Kunzite out loud. He pressed the button.

A picture of the Tunnel Bear crying was displayed, as a loading bar zipped across the screen erasing the program.

"Removing claw marks from hard drive, cleaning fur from PC…" the uninstall messages read.

"I feel bad for the Tunnel Bear," said Jadeite sadly. "Why did we have to remove him?"

"There is no such thing as the Tunnel Bear," said Kunzite. "It's just a program, and now it's a gone program."

Kunzite stepped away from the computer. "Good as new," he said, taking a bow.

"Way to go!" said Zoisite. He sat back down at the PC. "Time to play some Club Parakeet Rewritten," he said. "You all can go now."

That's when the whole Negaverse started rumbling.

"Uh… earthquake?" asked Nephrite.

"In the North Pole? In an alternate realm?" asked Jadeite.

That's when the upper torso of the Tunnel Bear appeared out of the ground.

"Uh oh," said Jadeite. "I think it's the Tunnel Bear! Brace yourselves, guys!"

"No way," said Kunzite. "Jadeite, you're making some sort of illusion to mess with us."

"No illusion!" cried Jed. "Look, my hands are right here!"

That's when the Tunnel Bear pushed himself out of the ground with his big meaty arms, and stood up on his hind legs, towering over them.

He let out a ferocious roar.

Zoisite scoffed. "Don't worry guys, all this creature knows how to do is build tunnels. It's no combatant."

The Tunnel Bear wrapped his big meaty claw around Zoisite, lifting him into the air.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Zoisite. "I was wrong!"

The Tunnel Bear leapt back into his hole with Zoisite in his big furry paw, as Kunzite lunged for him.

He looked in the hole, and there were no signs of the Tunnel Bear.

"Where did it go?!" demanded Kunzite.

"I don't know," said Nephrite sadly. "It could be halfway across the world by now!"

"Well, I'm going after it!" declared Kunzite. "You're welcome to join!"

"I can't miss out on this," said Jadeite.

"Hmm, I guess you'll need my help," considered Nephrite.

* * *

The three remaining Shitennou ventured through the Tunnel Bear's labyrinth with flashlights and their fists.

"This maze is huge!" remarked Kunzite. He shined his flashlight to see the path splitting in ten different directions.

"Which way do we go?" said Kunzite.

"Hmm," said Jadeite. "Ooh, I know! I can check the soil to see which path was freshly dug!"

"You can do that?" asked Kunzite.

"Yeah," said Jadeite. "I'm a specialist of everything!"

Jadeite got on the floor and started licking the ground.

"Cut it out, bozo," said Nephrite. "You'll get sick."

"This way!" said Jadeite, sprinting off in a random direction.

They had a good guess of which way it was going, so they teleported to the southern coast of Africa.

When they got there, they saw the Tunnel Bear, standing over Zoisite's crumpled corpse.

Melvin was doing Beyblade tricks on it.

"ZOOIISITE, NO!" cried Kunzite.

"It was horrible," said Zoisite. "He dragged me across the ground at hypersonic speeds. I was one inch away from terminal velocity. He's a very fast tunneler."

"Drat," said Jadeite. "I should have known this would happen when I installed a free internet VPN."

"Yes," said Nephrite. "Any beast that can move across the world that fast has to be very powerful."

Kunzite threw a punch, tossing the Tunnel Bear into the top of a building.

"AFTER IT!" yelled Kunzite.

He teleported to the hole in the building wall, but he saw that all 20 floors had a hole dug by the Tunnel Bear, all the way down to the bottom.

"Where is he!?" yelled Kunzite.

"I see him!" said Jadeite, still on the ground.

He ran after the tracks of the Tunnel Bear, but it was too swift.

"Let me at him!" yelled Nephrite, charging up an attack.

That's when the Tunnel Bear got him in a bear hug, and threw itself back into a hole.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" they heard Nephrite's voice, until it faded away.

"I got this!" yelled Jadeite.

He shot lightning down into the tunnel.

Nephrite got launched out of the ground several miles away by Jed's lightning.

Jadeite ran up to him.

"Where's the Tunnel Bear?" asked Jadeite.

"He curved to the right at the last second," said Nephrite.

Jadeite leapt into the hole.

"Where are you, you behemoth?!" he screamed.

That's when he saw the dust of the Tunnel Bear coming, like a train.

But before he could brace himself, the Tunnel Bear drove right through him, and Jadeite was no more.

The Tunnel Bear appeared on the surface with Jadeite's corpse, and Nephrite and Kunzite gasped.

"Combo attack!" commanded Kunzite.

Kunzite spawned his two boomerangs, and launched them at the beast, while Nephrite shot a Starlight Attack.

The Tunnel Bear quickly tunneled away.

"Oh no you don't!" yelled Kunzite. He shot an energy blast instantaneously into the hole, and dark energy shot out of all the holes the Tunnel Bear previously made.

"Did I get him?" wondered Kunzite.

That's when he saw the Tunnel Bear leap into the air, directly followed by Kunzite's beam.

"He's… he's faster than my attack!" howled Kunzite.

The Tunnel Bear landed on the ground, sending shockwaves so powerful it instantly killed Nephrite.

"No!" yelled Kunzite. "Looks like it's just me and the beast!"

The Tunnel Bear got back on its hind legs, and let out a ferocious battle cry.

"Are you gonna stand there or are you gonna fight?!" yelled Kunzite.

The Tunnel Bear started running on its four legs, and started picking up speed until it was just a blur.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kunzite.

That's when the Tunnel Bear body-slammed him at such high speeds that Kunzite was instantly obliterated before he hit the ground.

"Kunzite!" yelled Zoisite weakly, getting on his feet.

That's when the Tunnel Bear turned to Zoisite.

"You… you beast!" yelled Zoisite. "All we did was uninstall your program! You're not going to defeat me!"

Zoisite summoned a portal, and leapt in, and the Tunnel Bear instantly followed.

When they got out of the portal, the Tunnel Bear looked around to see that they were floating on a platform in the Negaverse.

"That's right," said Zoisite. "No tunneling here! You'll fall right into the abyss! Now come at me, you fiend!"

However, Zoisite realized, all too late, that the Tunnel Bear was still a bear. Thus, it had all the feats and power of one.

Zoisite threw a punch, but hand-to-hand combat wasn't his forte.

The Tunnel Bear back-handed him, leaving a giant claw mark across his face.

"My face!" yelled Zoisite. "You're gonna pay for that!"

He threw a dropkick, but the Bear grabbed Zoisite's waist with his big meaty claw, and then threw Zoisite into the ground.

The huge massive bear leapt into the air, and did a piledrive on Zoisite.

Zoisite was still alive, but barely.

He considered trying to leap off into the abyss with the Tunnel Bear, but knew that he couldn't lift or even budge such a large mass. The average adult bear weighs a minimum of 300 lbs, probably.

Zoisite fired a weak beam like the one he fired at Motoki, but the Tunnel Bear chomped it and it was no more.

Zoisite knew it was over.

"You…" sputtered Zoisite. "You pea-brained freak!"

Zoisite blew up the small platform they were standing on, instantly killing himself, and sending the Tunnel Bear into the abyss.

It was a tie, but the Tunnel Bear may or may not have survived since he has the resilience of a bear.

FIN


	15. The Cyclops

"Guys," said Zoisite, who called a meeting in the Shitennou lounge. "I was lying in bed, thinking of paranormal creatures we have not fought yet."

"Wow," said Jadeite. "I didn't know you cared that much!"

"Yeah, I'm surprised," said Kunzite. "I thought we were all just following Jadeite around."

"I thought that too, once," said Zoisite. "But what if we… fight…"

Everyone waited patiently.

"The Cyclops!"

Nephrite gasped, and Jadeite just shook his head sadly.

He put his hand on Zoisite's shoulder, and just continued to shake his head.

"You just don't get it," said Jadeite. "There's no such thing as a Cyclops. That's just fairytale, mythology if you will."

"What?!" cried Zoisite. "You gotta be kidding! You've come up with much more ridiculous beasts than that!"

"Yes," said Jadeite. "Because they were all real! I once encountered the Sasquatch when I was two years old. He held me captive for eight days, until I slipped some tobacco into his food. And while he was unconscious, I fled!"

"That's a lie," said Kunzite. "You couldn't have lasted eight days in the captivity of the Sasquatch."

"Yeah," said Nephrite. "Why were you two years old with tobacco?"

"What did the Sasquatch want with you?" asked Zoisite.

"I don't know, but every time I tried to leave he pushed me back down," explained Jadeite. "That's actually where my conflict with him began. It was a big mistake letting me escape his grasp."

"Lies," repeated Kunzite.

Jadeite shook his head.

"Seriously though," said Zoisite. "How do you know the Cyclops isn't real?"

"There's no sightings of him," said Jadeite.

"Maybe he's just elusive!" said Zoisite. "Here I am, trying to play along with your fantasy games, and you're going to act like I'M the crazy one!"

"If you're going to play, play right," said Jadeite.

"I'm going to go hunt the Cyclops myself," said Zoisite. "I'll show you!"

Jadeite just kept shaking his head.

* * *

Zoisite appeared in the city of Athens, in Greece.

"This is where Cyclops reside," he told himself. "I read about them in some ancient texts."

Zoisite waited. "Cyclops?" he called.

That's when his three Shitennou allies appeared.

"Stop this madness at once," said Kunzite. "There's no Cyclops. Just like there's no Sasquatch."

"We've fought the Sasquatch," argued Jed. "But that just goes to show that the Cyclops isn't real, since there were no sightings."

"Wait a minute, did you hear that?!" cried Zoisite.

"Give it up, Zoisite," said Nephrite. "Just admit you were wrong and we'll go home."

"No, seriously," said Zoisite. "I heard something in that bush!"

Kunzite was about to say something, but then he heard it too.

"It's the Cyclops!" howled Kunzite. "Everyone fire your best attacks!"

Everyone fired their best attacks into the bush, and there was a big explosion.

When the smoke cleared, there was a shadowy figure, standing unharmed.

He wiped the dust off his fur.

"Wait," said Nephrite. "There's only one creature strong enough to not even flinch from that."

"No, there's quite a few," said Jadeite.

That's when the figure stepped into the sunlight, revealing none other than the Sasquatch.

"Great beast!" said Zoisite. "Have you ever met the Cyclops?"

"Why is this behemoth here?!" demanded Kunzite.

"He must have heard us say his name," said Jadeite.

"Quick!" said Nephrite. "Zoisite, give me the weapons you packed to fight the Cyclops!"

"All I brought was sand to throw in the Cyclops's eye," said Zoisite. "I thought it was a pretty good strategy."

Nephrite teleported away.

But that was his last mistake.

The Sasquatch moved faster than anyone could keep up, and grabbed Nephrite's foot, throwing him into the ground.

"NO!" exclaimed Nephrite.

The Sasquatch was about to lay him to rest, when Kunzite was the only one to act on his feet.

He threw a leaping kick into the Sasquatch's neck, with so much force there was an explosion.

Kunzite leapt back with the smoke, but an arm grabbed his neck before he could get out of range.

Kunzite flailed with his legs but it did no good.

Zoisite and Jadeite acted fast, shooting the Sasquatch in the back and causing him to drop Kunzite, not out of pain, but out of annoyance.

Jadeite gasped and got giddy. "I think we got hi-"

But the Sasquatch spun around faster than anyone could keep up, and swung his big meaty arm, dismantling Jadeite.

Before the Sasquatch could dismantle Zoisite too, Kunzite threw his two mighty boomerangs.

Sasquatch tilted his head, and the two boomerangs zipped past him.

The Sasquatch leapt into the air, and threw an overhead mallet punch into the ground, with so much force that it killed Kunzite.

As Kunzite dropped, the boomerangs zipped back over the Squatch's head.

Zoisite spawned a twin set of pointy crystals, and decided to throw his life away in one last final ditch effort.

"This one's for Kunzite!" he yelled.

He swung down the crystals, but the Sasquatch put up one big muscular arm, and the crystals shattered.

All the color drained from Zoisite's face, and the Sasquatch threw a punch, tossing Zoisite into a column.

Zoisite tried to get up, but the Sasquatch stomped him and he was no more.

The Sasquatch pounded his chest, and then went to charge Nephrite.

But he had escaped when he knew Zoisite was about to throw his life away.

* * *

Nephrite sat down on his couch, panting.

"Heh," he chuckled. "Heh heh. Who would have guessed that Zoisite was the one to save my life?"

Nephrite turned on the TV.

"I really can't believe I was able to escape that beast! He must be having an off-day, maybe from the stamina he exerted travelling to Greece."

Nephrite heard a knock on his door.

He went to look out the peephole, but someone was covering it from the other side.

"Just a second," said Nephrite.

He bolted for it, but as he was running up the staircase, the Sasquatch leapt through the opposite side of the wall, and grabbed Nephrite's head in his hand.

He threw him across the room, and Nephrite dropped.

But it wasn't over yet.

Nephrite leapt to his feet, and went into maximum overdrive.

"This is my final stand!" yelled Nephrite.

He put all his stats in his strength, and started throwing kicks and jabs left and right.

But unfortunately, the Sasquatch was a master of all forms of martial arts, and easily overwhelmed Nephrite.

Nephrite was tripped up, and he fell to the floor.

The Sasquatch charged up an overhead mallet punch, and Nephrite knew he was a sitting duck.

He quickly shifted all his stats to his defense, hoping to survive one more blow.

He did not.

FIN


	16. The Burning Man

"It's been fun," said Jadeite, as he and the rest of the Shitennou exited Crown Parlor. "I can't believe you killed that waitress."

"She had to go," said Zoisite.

That's when they found themselves face-to-face with the Burning Man.

"Woah!" said Nephrite in shock. "Are you okay? Need a water bucket or something?!"

But the Burning Man was burning beyond reason.

He threw a fiery punch, and the Shitennou leapt out of the way.

"What is this?!" said Kunzite. "He was trying to help you!"

Jadeite quickly whipped out his encyclopedia of mythological creatures.

"Ah," said Jadeite. "It's the Burning Man. He is burning at 10 trillion degrees."

"Yikes," said Zoisite. "What do we do?! We can't throw a punch at that thing!"

But that thing threw another punch at them, almost killing Jadeite.

"I know how to handle this," scoffed Nephrite. He spawned a bucket of water and doused the Burning Man.

But the water was instantly evaporated, because the Burning Man was burning at too high a temperature.

"Don't worry," said Jadeite. "I'll just throw a punch! It will be so fast that my hand won't catch on fire!"

"I wouldn't recommend that," said Kunzite.

"Just let the boy live his dreams," said Nephrite. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Jadeite threw a punch at the Burning Man, and he was instantly turned to charcoal.

The Shitennou gasped.

"That's one hot man," said Zoisite.

Nephrite thought fast and spawned a sword.

He leapt forward and swung it at the Burning Man, but it instantly melted before coming close.

The Burning Man grabbed Nephrite's arm.

"Ouch!" cried Nephrite.

But the Burning Man would not let go.

"I'll save you!" said Zoisite.

He shot petals, but it just added fuel to the fire, and Nephrite was obliterated.

Kunzite looked around frantically.

"I won't get barbequed today!" he announced.

He pulled out a hose and connected it to a nearby fire hydrant.

Then he unleashed a powerful torrent of water directly into the Burning Man's face.

It had no effect.

Meanwhile, Zoisite was reading Jadeite's book.

"He left it to me in his will," explained Zoisite.

Kunzite continued to keep the Burning Man at bay with the water as Zoisite finally found the article on him.

"Wait, look at this!" exclaimed Zoisite. "It appears that the Burning Man is actually taking damage from his own burns! That means he will burn out sooner or later!"

"How did he come to be in the first place?" wondered Kunzite. "And why is he spending his short life fighting us?"

Suddenly Kunzite's hydrant ran out of water, and Kunzite had to start throwing boomerangs.

The boomerangs melted before reaching the Burning Man, and the Burning Man threw a fiery punch.

Despite being many feet away, Kunzite was still burnt to a crisp.

Zoisite took off running on foot as the Burning Man charged after him.

"He's no faster than a regular man," considered Zoisite, breaking into a full sprint.

The Burning Man was suddenly in front of Zoisite, and he threw a fiery punch.

Zoisite took to the ground, and miraculously dodged the fiery punch.

The asphalt around him was now a boiling tar pit, and Zoisite legged it in the other direction.

He quickly leapt behind a car.

"Maybe he won't find me," he thought.

Suddenly the car exploded, and Zoisite was tossed several feet in the air.

"I hope the Burning Man didn't get any gasoline," said Zoisite.

He decided to wait out the rest of the Burning Man's life on top of a skyscraper.

After 20 minutes, Zoisite figured he must have burnt out.

But that's when the roof door swung open, and the Burning Man leapt at Zoisite.

"Ah!" cried Zoisite. "Did you really climb that whole staircase!?"

Zoisite leapt to the side at the last minute, feeling the heat.

With nowhere to run or hide, Zoisite dived off the building like one would dive into a pool.

He looked up as he fell, and saw the Burning Man three feet away, swinging his fists like a madman.

"This is it," thought Zoisite. "When I land, that Burning Man will land on top of me and I will be no more."

Zoisite landed on the ground and braced himself.

But that's when he was hit by a regular dead man.

"Oh," said Zoisite. "He must have burnt out. Lucky day!"

FIN


	17. Jadeite Has an Off Day

All four Shitennou reported before Beryl.

"What have you guys been up to recently?" demanded Beryl. "You've been respawned many times, but I see no efforts to get energy or the Silver Crystal."

"Eh, it's a long story," said Nephrite. "You wouldn't be interested."

"Hmm," said Beryl. "Jadeite, report your progress."

Jadeite didn't respond, and just continued to stare at Beryl.

Zoisite walked up to Beryl and leaned in for a whisper.

"Uh, Queen Beryl? I think something's off about Jadeite today. He's been panting quite a bit, and any time we try to talk to him he just grunts and growls."

"That's odd," said Beryl. "Jadeite, explain your behavior!"

That's when Jadeite took off a mask, revealing the Sasquatch.

All the color drained from Nephrite's face, as he was standing right next to "Jadeite."

The Sasquatch extended his big meaty arm, and grabbed Nephrite by the face.

He threw him into the ground and he was dead before he hit the ground.

Kunzite broke into a sprint, but the Sasquatch leapt into the air like a great ape.

He threw an overhead mallet punch into Kunzite's spine, and Kunzite was sent into inhuman pain.

He took his own life shortly after.

Zoisite looked at Beryl, and Beryl got out of her throne.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she howled. She threw a huge black crystal, but the Sasquatch flexed his biceps and the crystal shattered against his solid skin.

Beryl tried one last time with an eternal sleep, but the Sasquatch absorbed it and repelled it at twice the strength.

Beryl was frozen in an ice block and the Sasquatch picked it up over his head.

He swung it down at Zoisite, instantly killing him.

"Queen Beryl!" called Jadeite walking in. "Sorry I'm late!"

That's when the Sasquatch turned to Jadeite holding Beryl's corpse.

Jadeite legged it instantly, but the Sasquatch was just too swift.

Jadeite reached a dead end and shot lightning out of his palms.

The Sasquatch threw a backhand, and Jadeite was no more.


End file.
